I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
false alarm, still single
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize