me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
