We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
