Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
