We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
