he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
