don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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