She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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