some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
