The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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