wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
