For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize