I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
