the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my liver is dry heaving
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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