Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
