Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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