I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize