I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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