ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
