i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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