marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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