I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
