the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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