Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
