just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
