What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Floor bacon is actually really good
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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