the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
