There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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