I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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