she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
