Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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