I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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