Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
