I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I intend to get homeless drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize