in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
