I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
