whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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