You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I didn't notice because vodka
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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