Even the bartender felt bad for me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
