omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
