Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize