Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
