Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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