what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
