I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
