im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
