I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
