I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
