oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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