get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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