The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im six kinds of drunk right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
