I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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