You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
