Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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