How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
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