I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
