Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
