My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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