I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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