There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
