So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
