My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
