Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
