You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
