Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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