He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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