Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
