I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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